Hilarious word play!!!

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.





The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.


And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

Bilingual babies

Awesome stuff. Being bilingual myself, I've notice in foreign language classes how some of my classmates either understood new concepts, or seriously couldn't. The mere concept of different languages is pretty brain-twisting, so I think that starting kids out as early as possible is the best way to go.



http://www.washington.edu/news/articles/bilingual-babies2019-vocabulary-linked-to-early-brain-differentiation

New Zealanders can't name their kids Duke

...nor can they give their kids a number of other unusual names.



http://globalpublicsquare.blogs.cnn.com/2011/07/20/new-zealand-bans-weird-baby-names/



Some of these I can sort of undersand. I mean, giving your kid a title for a name could lead to some confusion later in life. And other names seem to be made up by idiotic parents who aren't giving any thought to the fact that their babies aren't cute little toys-- they're people who are going to have to accept their names as a part of their identity. The long name that is pronounced Albin could be looked at as a comment on pronunciation, which could be looked at as intellectual. But who wants to be their parents' intellectual statement?

I'm not saying that I agree with most of the banned names here, but I definitely think that there are a lot of dumb people out there who should not be having kids. So long as a parent can tell their kid why they lovingly and thoughtfully (and I mean for real) chose the name Lucifer or Metallica, and the kid can be proud of it, I can deal with it.

But once you start banning dumb things, when do you stop?

Wen markiting fales

As a linguistics geek, I love mistranslations. If you've never seen engrish.com, you really should check it out.

I've seen a number of these failed marketing stories before, though I'm not sure how true they are. A phrase that I will never forget as long as I live is "Bite the wax tadpole". Inspiring, no?



http://www.leehopkins.net/2006/09/14/they-may-be-true-they-may-be-false-they-make-great-reading/

Ze Eenglish grammar eez for ze dummies, yes?

Some consumer reports are very helpful, while others resemble spam. And then, a precious few are entertaining.



http://www.amazon.com/review/RPUSBNNCSTI4B/ref=cm_cr_dp_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=0470546646&/

Apparently the Brits own English

God, this annoyed me so much as I read it. Although, I'd say that this list is quite telling.



http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14201796



It would seem that the British don't like American English. As someone who hates most cliches, I agree that a lot of these phrases are terrible. "I could care less" definitely needs to burn. And actually, poster #48, there are a lot of people who commit the ghastly sin of "I got it for cheap". Believe me, I'd like to smack some of those people, too. (And why didn't "pitch dark" make the list?)

But I also find some comments here irritating, such as #38-- "My worst horror is expiration, as in 'expiration date'. Whatever happened to expiry?" Uhh... who says "expiry"? Oh, the British! Some of their phrases are equally laughable to Americans.

I've never been to England (or am I supposed to call it Britain or the UK?), but all this is leading me to believe that we English-speakers on opposite ends of the ocean view our language differently on a fundamental level. I think that Americans are more experimental and less like purists, because we're a mutt nation with a short history and a knack for borrowing traditions from the rest of the world.

Sorry, Brits, but that's just how it is.


PS- How are we supposed to be pronouncing the letter Z, anyway?

Male brain: female voice = music

...or something like that. I never cease to be fascinated with the strange ways in which males and females differ. To say that it goes beyond body parts is a massive understatement.

Anyway, ladies, why do men seem to not always hear what you say? And men, at least now you've got some science to back you up. ;)



http://www.stylecaster.com/lifestyle/13348/male-brains-arent-designed-listen-female-voices

Wait, that wasn't in English?

Typically, I have trouble listening to music in languages I don't speak, because my brain wants to turn the words into English ones, even though the resulting "lyrics" make no sense and frequently annoy me. However, I have come to love some foreign-language songs nonetheless, such as the even-popular "Dragostea Din Tei". It's sung in Romanian by the group O-Zone. You might know it as "Numa Numa".

These are the misheard lyrics according to one person. Apparently this is the original version, and it's definitely way better than others that I've seen.

Enjoy! Aloe, and goodbye for now. ;)




http://youtu.be/KfEE_nYehZ8



PS- I'd also like to add that this is my 100th post. Yay! I've had a great time with this blog. Onward to post #200!

Proper spelling is sexy

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT!!!!!!

*Sigh* I guess this means I need to put that adult warning label on my blog now! Oh well.

I'm an English major and nut. Sooo, although I'm not a fan of most rap or hip hop (I don't even know the difference), I appreciated this music video.


http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6342590/sexy-spelling-song


That woman has her head in the right place! Hahaha.

The sounds are as old as language itself

Language may be more than 50,000 years old? And may still carry traces of its roots?? Eeeeeee!

Yeah, I be linguistic dork.

Cool article.


http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/15/science/15language.html?_r=1&src=me&ref=homepage

What variety of American English do you speak?

Ze linguistic nut speaks. This survey will tell you where much of your pronunciation of American English comes from. It would probably be most revelent if you're an American, I'm guessing. Anyway, I think this stuff so super cool. Like, I could fangirl over it.


http://www.angelfire.com/ak2/intelligencerreport/yankee_dixie_quiz.html


I'm absolutely fascinated by the ways in which our language differs. Like, have you ever googled a US map of soda-vs-pop-vs-coke? That's an interesting one, which is mentioned in this survey. The funny thing for me personally is, I'm from the Pacific Northwest, where we allegedly say "pop"... except that my sister and I have been saying "soda" our entire lives without even noticing. Go figure. Plus, I can remember, as a little kid, arguing with the neighbor kid over whether the little grey bug was called a pillbug or a roly-poly.

Enjoy! And comment if you want to share your score... I'm interested in hearing how people speak! :)

Silly jokes

I've read that puns are considered one of the highest levels of language... you're playing with phrases that sound similar, and connect to each other in a humorous way. They're creative! Although... at the same time... sound pretty damn lame. XD

Anyway, here's a list of "bad" jokes. I'm sure at least a couple will make you smile.


1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.


2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way.


3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?

They Take The Psychopath


4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It


5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!


6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroids


7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick


8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.


9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.


10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quatro Cinco.


11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.


12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.


13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.


14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.


15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.


16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers.


17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.


18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.


19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.


20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.


21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.


22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.


23. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have!


THE END

"Dumb" baby names?

This photo slide show is of celebrities who have apparently screwed up in the eyes of the American public by giving their babies bad names.

To be honest, I was a bit shocked by some of the entries here. There are definitely a few that I would question. I've seen a similar report with milder name choices, so to speak, though they were also blasted by some media outlet for being dumb.


http://xfinity.comcast.net/slideshow/entertainment-dumbcelebbabynames/


I always get a bit pissed off when I see any article listing stupid celebrity baby names, but end up reading it anyway, because names fascinate me. Here are my thoughts on these so-called bad names-- It's the parents' decision. Obviously, there are plenty of fertile human beings out there who are unfit to raise a child, but manage to produce one anyway. So, you are going to get idiots who give their babies stupid names because they think they're funny, and they've forgotten that this baby is a valid human being with a mind who is going to grow up someday.

This slide show begins with the following line: "Why can't celebrities just pick regular old names like John and Susan like the rest of us?" That irritates me because we as a society have decided what names are acceptable, and people who step outside those bounds apparently have some kind of a problem. Really? I thought that most of us were beyond that stage. Unusual names don't bother me in the slightest, if the parents actually have a reasonably defendable explanation, say, it's their half-Zimbabwean, half-Inuit grandmother's middle name. If it has a meaning that they can explain to their child, and if their child knows that this name was given to him or her out of love and respect as a human being, that is cool with me. However, if you name your twins Pete and Repete just because you think it's hilarious, you're essentially telling your kid that you don't really care that much. In that case, it's an effed up baby name.

*Pauses for breath*

So, I don't know the origins of most of the names given in the slide show. I'm sure they can be researched. But yeah, that's my take on the whole thing.

(And I'd like to add that, no, I would never name my kid John or Susan. I have no reason to.)