Hilarious word play!!!

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.





The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.


And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

Screw this auto cucumber!

Bahahahahaha. Damn You, Auto Correct! is by far one of the funniest websites I've ever seen. Unfortunately, it's so easy to get sucked into it that I generally don't pay it visits. However, someone posted a link to the top 25 auto corrects, so I could totally deal with that. Enjoy!!!



http://damnyouautocorrect.com/13603/the-25-funniest-autocorrects-of-dyacs-first-year/

Wen markiting fales

As a linguistics geek, I love mistranslations. If you've never seen engrish.com, you really should check it out.

I've seen a number of these failed marketing stories before, though I'm not sure how true they are. A phrase that I will never forget as long as I live is "Bite the wax tadpole". Inspiring, no?



http://www.leehopkins.net/2006/09/14/they-may-be-true-they-may-be-false-they-make-great-reading/

Ze Eenglish grammar eez for ze dummies, yes?

Some consumer reports are very helpful, while others resemble spam. And then, a precious few are entertaining.



http://www.amazon.com/review/RPUSBNNCSTI4B/ref=cm_cr_dp_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=0470546646&/

Apparently the Brits own English

God, this annoyed me so much as I read it. Although, I'd say that this list is quite telling.



http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14201796



It would seem that the British don't like American English. As someone who hates most cliches, I agree that a lot of these phrases are terrible. "I could care less" definitely needs to burn. And actually, poster #48, there are a lot of people who commit the ghastly sin of "I got it for cheap". Believe me, I'd like to smack some of those people, too. (And why didn't "pitch dark" make the list?)

But I also find some comments here irritating, such as #38-- "My worst horror is expiration, as in 'expiration date'. Whatever happened to expiry?" Uhh... who says "expiry"? Oh, the British! Some of their phrases are equally laughable to Americans.

I've never been to England (or am I supposed to call it Britain or the UK?), but all this is leading me to believe that we English-speakers on opposite ends of the ocean view our language differently on a fundamental level. I think that Americans are more experimental and less like purists, because we're a mutt nation with a short history and a knack for borrowing traditions from the rest of the world.

Sorry, Brits, but that's just how it is.


PS- How are we supposed to be pronouncing the letter Z, anyway?

Oh god fantasy spiders!!!

I don't have much to say about this, other than the fact that it's awesome.

I just really want to meet the people who come up with these intelligent warnings.


http://www.theshiznit.co.uk/feature/stupidest-film-certificate-warnings.php


(On a side note, there are loads of fun things on this website, though it's a hell of a time-sucker. I also recommend http://www.theshiznit.co.uk/feature/10-credible-actors-who-took-on-incredibly-bad-movies.php )

Proper spelling is sexy

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT!!!!!!

*Sigh* I guess this means I need to put that adult warning label on my blog now! Oh well.

I'm an English major and nut. Sooo, although I'm not a fan of most rap or hip hop (I don't even know the difference), I appreciated this music video.


http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6342590/sexy-spelling-song


That woman has her head in the right place! Hahaha.